February 29th, 2024

I wanted to get something down. To not only write because I’m angry or hurting. To write about the joy and miracles of today.  Today was a good fucking day. 

Your attitude is everything. I’m aware of this. How many days did I lose because I couldn’t just take a second to breathe?

Breathe and remember when I wake up in the morning that the day is just beginning. Each day has a different mindset. A slate that is brand new. What you choose to do with it is up to you. My attitude lost me days. My feelings became facts to me. Whether they were true or not. They became the reality around me. My mentality was dead. So defeated I just needed something to break. Thoughts of just one. It’s always just one. 

For days. I asked to help me. I prayed, are you even listening to me? Just keep talking and I did. Then something finally broke. 

Fast forward 24 hours I have feelings of positivity and gratitude. Life is beautiful and it’s really amazing how things can change so drastically in just 24 hours. She says it’s god and I can’t fight her on it. I’m looking for answers to see if any of them fit. None of it makes sense so how could it not be. I changed my attitude which then changed my mindset. But I cant explain how today went the way it did. It was easy. It was like coming up for air. I could breathe and misery wasn’t anywhere. 

Maybe it is god. Maybe it not. I can’t explain how in 24 hours I went from the dark place I was to the one going to sleep tonight in a good place. Maybe I’m not suppose to understand or be able to explain. For now I think I’m becoming okay with that. I’ll recognize that maybe there is a god and he might be looking out for me. I’ll just keep talking. Because even if I feel god is only listening half the time, it’s still probably better than not at all. 

Today I grateful to be love. 

I’m grateful to be alive. 

I’m grateful to be me. 

Because no one else can be me except me. 

Even if this current version of me is still a work in progress. 

Trust and loyalty.

Some people will forever have it. 

All because they decided to stick around. 

A lot can change in 24 hours. What are you gonna do with your next 24?