Life has some stability today. This must be what they mean when they speak of peace. I lost a dear work friend yesterday morning. She was a kind soul with an infectious laugh. She will be miss by not only me but anyone who had the privilege to know who she was. I also had 9 months of sobriety yesterday. On Tuesday My boyfriend and I got word that they were moving forward with our kitten adoption. So, this coming Friday April 26th we will be the proud parents of 2 adorable brother and sister kittens. You see why my feelings are all mixed up. Both good and bad things have happened to me this week. With all the feelings I’m feeling a drink is not one of them. There’s no obsession. No need for it. There’s nothing a drink will solve or make any better. I’m grateful today to have the mindset I have. My faith is becoming stronger. My god. I know we fight. Most of the time it’s one sided but I see you. Thank you for seeing me.

Mentally and physically I’m feeling stronger than I have in a good bit. There’s no high and no low. Starting to live and not relay so heavy on emotions. The ins and outs of how my day is going. My making the days what they are. Instead of letting the days tell me how I am going to be. I hope some of you will understand and get that last statement. I don’t know if I could have described where my mind is at any other way.

I hope to take this good energy into the week ahead. However, I am not forcing it to happen. As the days continue on and I continue to grow I’m realizing I want my happiness to be organic. Finding happiness from within myself. So many years I spent searching for happiness in others. Not realizing that I was slowing dimming my own light. Killing pieces for the real me. Those days are in my rearview. Today I am happy for me. It’s different today than a year ago. I am different. My mindset is different. Now, some days my mindset is so far skewed but I get by with a little help from my friends. I find happiness in the sound of friends laughing. I find it in his smile. The smile that no longer has sadness behind it. Sadness once caused by me. I’m so very excited to begin this new journey with him. I took so many firsts from us that it is truly a blessing to be able to get our first pets next week. This week was one of the best weeks I’ve had in I really can’t remember. Peace is something I thought I would never obtain. As this week wraps up I’m grateful for an emotion I’m not even sure I can form words to describe..

3 THINGS I’M GRATEFUL FOR THIS WEEK

1. Love in my life
2. Friendship
3. Peace of mind