July 31st, 2023

But I am an alcoholic. I used alcohol just like alcohol used me. Sometimes it felt like my only friend. People liked me and thought I was funny. I suddenly had friends and people wanted to hang out. But I still found myself lonely even in a crowded room.  A social thing turned into an everyday thing into a few nights a week thing to every time I black out thing. I don’t know what’s it’s like to have one drink. But I chose to stop drinking because I don’t want alcohol to use the power it has over me anymore. 

I am cocky arrogant selfish vindictive impossible unmanageable rude disrespectful disgusting ugly useless when I was drunk. 

It is okay that I feel lost though because I’ve never been this version of myself before.