April 6th, 2024

Today I turned 36 years old. I can’t begin to explain how much I’ve changed since turning 35. This past year was filled with excitement and heartbreak. Laughter and tears. Joy and pain. Both happiness and sadness. I grew up a lot this year. Faced some past demons and found some

Inner confidence that maybe one day I’ll be able to put them to rest. The same Mel that turned 35 is not the same one turned 36 today. 

I buried a friend this year but found one I don’t know how I made it this far in my life without. I have a village today that wasn’t here a year ago. A village that loves me and guides me on the days when I’ve lost myself again. I found sobriety this past year. I have keys to so many different doors and different emotions. I found the courage to open those doors and feel those same emotions. I see beauty in myself today that I didn’t this time last year. Some days it’s a struggle to see but it’s there always. Maybe buried under my delusional thinking and negativity. But it’s still there. Today I believe I’m a good person. Yes. I’m an alcoholic. But I no longer use alcohol as an excuse to be an asshole. I admitted I did some messed up things and I’m taking accountability for those things. I don’t always see my part in all of it but I can honestly admit today when I’m in the wrong. 

I’m entering year 36 with a better understanding of how my brain works. I learned this past year that the right people are going to love you and the wrong people are going to leave you. I can’t control who stays and who goes. Most days I’m able to remember that. At the end of the day I’m going to bed with a smile on my face. The highlight you might ask…. The 1 hr and a half spent in a random food court on Chestnut St talking to him. He made today a little extra special. I love him so much for that. 24 hours in a birthday and that 1.5 hours proceeded another other moment. We don’t do things like that often. It was nice. Amazing is a better word for it. 

Here’s to year 36. My hope is that I grow a little more and worry a little less. Just try and be the best human I can be. Love. I hope I’m able to love more and hurt less. I hope I find more faith and gain more spiritually. I hope my friends stay healthy and are truly blessed. I received a pretty amazing gift this past year. Its the best gift I ever gave myself.